”from the sketchbook”
I want to be creative and I want to be an artist, but after I started on an additional career in nursing this has lead me to a conflict of my interests and has pushed me into a state of limited creativity, where I found it difficult to express myself. There were moments were I didn’t even doodle.
I always thought of myself as an artist, this was a very solid image in my mind, actually much more than just an image, it was a solid ground on which I built my identity, my persona, my ”self”, so when I decided for an additional career, I knew that becoming a nurse will not only be an additional role but will also enhance my image, it will add something. What I didn’t know is that I actually declared war with myself in that particular moment.
My best defence according to Pam Grout and her book E square is to seek and find sings of luck or talismans in my everyday life or as I define them ”proof”. A lucky four leaf clover is one of those signs, which I often seem to find. The moment a clock shows a certain time, for example 23:23, I also consider a lucky charm, which I document in a form of a screenshot just like I always pluck a four leaf clover and I save it in a form of herbarium. I believe that with this process I can capture a piece of luck found in one specific moment and by doing so, by repeating the process, I am starting to grow a collection, an opus. There are many manifestations and many embodiments of this basic form or moment, which I see as proof and this creative process and belief behind it brings it all together. This process which proved essential to me, is apparently not just a hypothesis, since the lack of it lead me to a mild depression.
Screenshots made with this idea in mind are part of my collection entitled ”from the sketchbook”. I’ve chosen the name to add a dimension of time to my work, which on one hand imprisons me and on the other hand allows me to seize the moment and use it for expressing myself.